In which I find myself needing to change.

Gosh, I really feel like I've been slacking on the blog front recently. I mean, I've posted but I haven't really felt like I've been really present?! I just had 2 weeks off from work and I was definitely at my most productive within those 2 weeks off. Now I'm back to work, as you may or may not know, I work for London Underground and my shifts are ALL OVER THE PLACE. I mean, so I really struggle to find time to write my posts. 

I thought I'd post something a little more personal; I'm going through a total life overhaul at the moment. I went to a photoshoot a couple of weeks ago where I had these photos taken: 

So these photos were taken at The Factory in Covent Garden; I'd gotten a Wowcher for a photoshoot and I've never had professional photos taken before so I thought it'd be worth a shot. As much as I enjoyed the whole experience, I wasn't overly thrilled with how I looked in the photos afterwards. This had nothing to do with the photographers or make-up lady, I just felt like I'd lost myself. 

I looked at the photos and it became clear to me how I'd put on so much weight in the past 2 years. All I can say really is that I finally realised that it was time for a change. I've spent god knows how long using junk food as a way of making myself feel better when things were bad. I'd end up planning my days around what take-away I'd buy at work or when I got home from work and this would make up most of my days. I definitely have an emotional attachment to food, particularly junk food, and it wasn't until these photos were shown back to me, how I'd let it affect me. 

Please don't get me wrong, I am VERY body positive. I think all women are absolutely beautiful, especially all body types. Yet somehow, I don't feel comfortable with mine and for me, my solution now is if I can't feel comfortable in my body, then I'm going to work hard and make sure I damn well will feel at peace with how I look. I believe that all women - and men - should be able to live with their bodies how they WANT TO and be free of criticism. I've decided that I cannot sit around any longer and allow myself to continue living an unhealthy lifestyle and actually do something to change it.  

I posted this photo on my twitter a while back and I realised I'm not sure if I've put it in a blog! I believe that if I have this same body when I'm eating healthy and maintaining an active lifestyle, then I would love it more. However, I know I am overweight (12 stone 5lb to be precise) because I have lead a very unhealthy lifestyle and I am so willing to admit that. 

I'm now exercising at least 3 times a week and my diet has become very healthy. I've started drinking around 2 litres of water a day and I cannot believe how much my skin has cleared up! I'm now almost 3 weeks in and I'm already feeling better about myself. 

It's not easy though, obviously. Imagine trying to change years and years of bad habits? it feels impossible! I think about chocolate and bread and crisps all the time and you know instead of cutting them out, I'm eating healthy versions of them. 

I think that every single person in this world should be allowed to be the person that they want to be, if they are not hurting or offending other people. If someone wants to eat junk food, then they should damn well be allowed to be; skinny or fat, our bodies are none of other peoples concern. I wish I felt comfortable that way but I don't so I want to continue to work to boost myself esteem. 

I hope you all don't mind if I share more of my weight loss journey on this blog along the way, as I find documenting it helps me. 

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xo